Monday, October 4, 2010
Kind of sad
Too I'm sad for my little Claire- she just threw up a lot. I thought we were getting over that. Added to that, I'm also a little sad because I see us making an inevitable slide towards more and more formula. The nursing is not going well and I don't really have the energy to work on it like we should. I know what I need to do, or at least I think I do, but I just don't have the energy or the will to do it.
I feel resentful of the staff at the hospital because I feel like we were set up for failure. I don't know how much is my fault- I had that spinal headache for 4 days and couldn't have taken care of my girls anyway. But I really feel that they weren't supportive of our breastfeeding relationship. It was undermined so early and often that I didn't even get a chance at a good start. And maybe that's my fault for not pushing harder. But I was so sick the first 4 days and without my husband after the first day... Well, it is what it is. The girls are never going to be good nursers and I'm never going to do what it would take to make them be. I know babies grow just fine on formula and I'm still pumping to give them as much breastmilk as I can...
This is such a downer of a post. Things are actually going really well here. The girls' umbilical cords finally fell off so they've had a few baths now. Thank goodness. They even each had a shower. I took them in the shower with me when we were out of town over the weekend. They really like it. We were in Birmingham to see Steve's grandfather. He's doing really poorly- he had to be put on hospice recently and he's not expected to make it much longer. Steve wanted him to see the babies before he goes.
While we were in Birmingham, we had the girls' pictures made. We just went to Portrait Innovations, nothing fancy. They came out ok. I mean, the girls are only 3 weeks old so I couldn't expect much from them. Here are some of the better (or more interesting) ones.
I made the girls' outfits. We got a few cute individual shots of each girl. Little sweetie pies! The girls are doing really well and growing like weeds. Amelia is over six pounds and Claire isn't too far behind.
I'm so proud of my big pretty girls!