Wednesday, September 14, 2011

One Year Later- What I've Learned

I think I've learned a LOT in the last year. I have learned how to be a mama to two without ever having been a mama to one. I have learned how to evade questions I don't want to answer! I have gotten to know my two little loves so well! But here are some other things I've learned:

  1. Most people are really nice, if a little nosy. I have had so many people rush to open doors for us, pick things up off the floor for us, and offer to help with all kinds of things. And I'm talking strangers. 
  2. People are nosy! Most often the questions we get are "are they twins?" and "are they identical?" But we have also gotten our share of really inappropriate questions. Again, I think people are well-intentioned but just don't think before they speak.
  3. I'm REALLY glad I don't have triplets! I love both of my girls and mostly, I love having twins. But I am glad there's not another one. I only have two hands. 
  4. There is a reason babies usually come one at a time. The first few months with twins is brutal. I wish I could have enjoyed it more. But I was just so tired that I can barely even remember it. The mother/baby relationship is meant to be a couple and not a trio. Despite that, we have managed to bond and enjoy our time together and I can definitely say both girls love Mama!
  5. Nursing twins is intense and not something everyone can do. We had so much trouble with this and I'm glad I finally just gave myself a break. And that I realized that nursing doesn't make you a better mother! I am so so thankful to live in a time when there is a perfectly acceptable alternative. Every time we go to the doctor, they say that you would never even know the girls were preemies. And they've never had more than a cold. Claire just had her first fever (she was teething) and Amelia has never had one. 
  6. I did XYZ and my kids were fine... I am guilty of saying this too. But I don't take it for evidence of anything. If we went with that, we wouldn't even buckle our kids into car seats because, after all, our parents were fine. I do my research and try to do my best for my kids. 
  7. I know more than you do. About my kids. We went to the doctor this week for our 12 month check-up (alone- just me and the babies!) and I took the single stroller in with me instead of the double. I had several reasons for this- I usually end up holding at least one of the girls anyway and its way way easier to steer the single-stroller one-handed. Our doctor's office doesn't have any automatic doors and it is pretty challenging to get a double stroller through a regular spring-closing door by yourself. Since no one at the doctor's office will help me! And there are THREE doors between the parking lot and the back. So when all the ladies who work at the doctor's office (and who were NOT offering to help me!) kept saying "Oh honey, you need to get a double stroller!" it was irritating. I actually have TWO double strollers, thank you. But maybe, just maybe I know something you don't. 
  8. Other twin moms are the only ones who "get it." Unfortunately we don't have a Moms of Twins club here but I have met several twin moms. And they are the only ones who really know what its like. I have also met a lot of moms that tell me that their kids are so close in age that it was "just like they were twins." Um, no. Its not. Look, having children 11 months apart brings its own challenges. But it is NOT like having two screaming newborns. Its not like trying to potty-train two at the same time. Its not like worrying that one twin is behind because her sister is doing X and she's not.  
  9. Other moms are a great resource. But don't be mad if I ask for your advice and then ignore it. Not everything that works for one kid will work for another. And not everything that works for one kid will work with twins. 
  10. I love my girls more than I ever thought possible. Sometimes when we are snuggling, it brings tears to my eyes. I never knew being a mom would feel like this! These two girls and their dad are the best things that have ever happened to me. 
  11. Being a mom to twins is the hardest thing I've ever done. Seriously. It makes being pregnant with twins look like a piece of cake. It makes going to college and working and being married look like a piece of cake. 
  12. Watching your parents be grandparents is really interesting and sweet.  My parents love my girls so much. They are so sweet with them. My in-laws are obviously not my parents but they love them too! The girls have two cousins on Steve's side and Nana and Bob-bob love to have them all together and help them play together. 
  13. Sometimes you have to hide from your children. LOL If I want to go to the bathroom without help or use the computer, I have to hide!
  14. You will do things you never thought you would/always said you wouldn't. I thought I wouldn't let them watch tv or cry-it-out and I have done both. Although I still don't let them watch much tv. I'm pretty sure they don't know there are baby shows on tv because we only let them watch movies. Which is a policy I would like to keep because there are no commercials on movies. But we'll see how that goes. I'm sure they will eventually discover Dora or Barney or something.
  15. The relationship between twins is incredible. I never would have believed how early it starts or how much they love each other. They hold hands in their high-chairs. They smile at each other when they wake up in the mornings. They talk when they are in their car seats. They chase each other around the house and Amelia will stop to let Claire catch up if she falls behind. They are best friends all ready and its amazing. 
  16. But its important not to play up the "twin mystique" too much. Amelia and Claire are sisters who happen to share a birthday. I really want them to stay friends and stay close as they grow but its not my choice! And I don't want them to feel pressured to have some kind of incredible twin-thing that isn't real. But I hope they will be as close as any sisters. And I hope I find a way to facilitate that. My brothers and I are not close but Steve and his brother and sisters are very close. So I need to figure out how to encourage that. 
I can't wait to see what we learn this next year!


  1. This is great! I'm only 7 months in and have several of these on my "list" already too!!

    I have a 3 year old too, so I never knew JUST twins...and to me, JUST twins would be WAY easy! Funny how things change when your situation changes. I now look at people who only have one baby at a time and say, oh please...that is cake! haha!

    My fav's are: 5, 9 and 16!
    I'm totally gonna do one of these when mine turn 1!
    Congrats Mama on making in through the 1st year!!!!

  2. LOVE this! I never tried a single stroller, but maybe it would work well for us at this age... I hesitate to leave our double stroller in the car because every now and then, one of them wants to sit down (and I like having a place for my bags.) But if I only had 1 seat, they'd for sure fight over it... hmm :) Might be worth a try!

  3. You are really really great at what you do.
    much loaf!